Life With the Ponds is Like This
by leeg22
Summary: *SORRY FOR THE DELAY, BUT HERE'S A NEW STORY FINALLY!* I still miss Amy and Rory and so mark the mostly unseen time when the Doctor properly lived with them during the Power of Three, here will be a series of (hopefully) fun stories featuring the Doctor, Amy and Rory and possibly Kate too! Enjoy and please review! *NOTICE OF FUN: May contain the Doctor and Rory being naked...a bit*
1. Saving Water

LIFE WITH THE PONDS IS LIKE THIS

SAVING WATER

The cubes, they were still everywhere. The whole world was covered with them but nothing was happening and nothing could be done about them as the threat was still unknown. For Amy and Rory, they were adjusting to normal life now but were having to cope with the extra addition of the Doctor to the household. The timelord was living with them and despite being helpful on occasions, the Doctor, just by being himself, was never the most straightforward of house guests...

It was early morning and Rory was awake and heading to the bathroom for a shower. He was still tired and knew that the shower would help him waken slightly and be a part of the world around him again. Sleepiness always made him feel detached from everything around him and as he undressed and got into the shower, for all intents and purposes, the day was just another normal day. Yes, the Doctor was living in the house with him and Amy, but apart from that, everything was the same. Then, all of a sudden…  
"Hello Rory!" came the Doctor's voice from behind him. Rory yelped out a girlish scream and immediately tried to cover himself up as there was the Doctor in the shower with him. Like Rory, he was naked too.  
"What the hell?" said Rory. "Doctor….w…w…what are you doing here?"  
"I was already in the bathroom when you came and just thought it would be best to you know…share a shower…" he explained as the water poured down on the pair of them. The Doctor wasn't covering himself up but Rory was trying his best not to expose himself.  
"Where were you then?" Rory wondered. "I didn't see you."  
"I was in the corner, just standing there. You were tired, you didn't notice me. Add those two things together and you get…"  
"A naked Doctor…"  
"And a naked Rory in a shower together!" beamed the timelord. "Could be worse I suppose."  
"How?"  
"It could have been me and Amy." suggested the Doctor. Rory agreed that could have been worse but still wasn't pleased with this situation at all.  
"Have you seen you know…_everything_?" Rory then asked.  
"Oh of course, there's nothing to be ashamed of either Rory, I can tell you that." the Doctor then said in his attempt at a reassuring voice. "I really didn't think you'd mind this."  
"Really?" asked Rory.  
"Well, now I think about it," admitted the Doctor. "You're very English aren't you and any form of nudity is a little odd. You really wouldn't cope with some galaxies out there in the stars. Nudity is a must on some planets."  
"Not this one though…" retorted Rory loudly. It was loud enough to stir Amy and soon she came to the bathroom door and knocked on it.  
"Everything alright?" she asked. Rory didn't want to answer but the Doctor was happy to.  
"Yeah, everything is fine, Amy. Perfect you could say." remarked the timelord.  
"Oh, it's you Doctor. I thought I heard Rory in there." said Amy. Rory tried to signal to the Doctor that he didn't want Amy to know he was in the bathroom, but the Doctor misunderstood.  
"He is." said the Doctor bluntly. "Both of us are. We're in the shower together, you know…showering."  
"What?" asked Amy. "Rory?!"  
"Yes…" Rory replied sheepishly.  
"Let me get this right, you're showering with the Doctor…."  
"…yes." came the eventual reply. "But not intentionally." Rory added quickly. "I was in there and then the Doctor appeared."  
"Well to be fair I was here first Rory, but I won't quibble too much." the Doctor then cut in. "Besides Amy, this saves you water but most of all money. I gave you this house and a car, but I didn't give you money, did I?"  
"No…" said Amy.  
"So, this is helping surely?" asked the Doctor.  
"Sort of…" said Amy. "I think I'll just let you two finish off in there. We'll chat about it later. Rory, are you ok in there?" she then asked.  
"Not really…" he answered. "It's awkward."  
"I'll make you some tea." said Amy as she slowly walked away. Rory didn't like this at all but to be fair to the Doctor, he carried on and didn't make a scene of things, and Rory took a leaf out of that book for the time being. However, it was the most awkward thing he's ever done.

TWO WEEKS LATER

It was bill day for the Ponds and Amy and Rory were looking through the bills in their kitchen, seeing if their money could stretch that far. Everything looked fine and then Amy saw the water bill letter.  
"Blimey," muttered Amy.  
"What? What is it?" asked Rory. "Have they put up their costs again?"  
"No," she replied. "The Doctor was right. It saved money."  
"You're kidding, surely?" quizzed Rory but Amy passed him the bill and Rory saw it for himself. The water bill was less than normal. The Doctor was right. "Oh god…" said Rory.  
"Oh, what's he moaning about now?" asked the Doctor as he strolled into the kitchen with a sweatband on his head for no reason.  
"You were right, Doctor." said Amy. "We saved money."  
"Oh, that's good. The shower thing worked." smiled the Doctor as he patted Rory on the back. "See, I told you it would."  
"Yeah…" said Rory.  
"Hmmm, that money could go on extra shoes, I do need some new ones…" mumbled Amy before then looking at Rory with wide eyes. "Rory," she said. "You don't mind if you have to share with the Doctor more often, do you?"  
"Well, yeah of course I do." he replied bluntly.  
"No he doesn't!" said the Doctor as he patted Rory on the back once more. "Amy, get as many shoes as you want, we can keep on sharing until the cows come home. I'm saving you water and money…this living you two lark is quite fun, isn't it?"  
"Hmmm…" said Rory as he dreaded the thought of sharing showers with the Doctor for the foreseeable future. He was just going to be in a state of permanent awkwardness.


	2. The (Belated) Stag Do: Part 1

LIFE WITH THE PONDS IS LIKE THIS

THE (BELATED) STAG DO

PART 1

Rory held his drink warily. He couldn't help but look but really didn't want to. The Doctor was dancing again and this time it wasn't at home where at least only he and Amy could be embarrassed by it, this was in a nightclub.  
"Live a little Rory!" called out the Doctor as he shimmied along the dance floor; his gangly arms and legs looking like they were making patterns in the air. Rory was just cringing on the inside.  
"I'm fine Doctor." he said. "I…I really am." he added as he sipped his drink. He really didn't want to drink too much as he had work in the morning but in the circumstances felt like it was needed. The Doctor being the Doctor felt that he had always let Rory down on one thing and that was him denying Rory of his stag do. He'd arrived in that cake many years ago during the party and then whisked Rory off with Amy to Venice. The rest was history but the Doctor never forgets and tonight was the night he was making it up to his great friend. Rory wasn't too keen on the idea though, but was impressed that the Doctor had picked somewhere on Earth - that had been a pleasant surprise.  
"Rory!" called over the Doctor once more against the loud backdrop of thumping music. "Come on, have some fun. It's your stag do, let your hair down!"  
"Doctor I'm married." said Rory bluntly.  
"And I'm a slightly strange looking fella in a bow tie but you don't hear me complaining…" retorted the time lord as he grabbed Rory by his free hand; a slosh of Rory's drink spilled out of the glass and onto his jeans. "You're having fun! I'm making sure of that!" the Doctor then said loudly as Rory just looked at the damp patch on his jeans.  
"Yeah…of course. What about Amy?" he then asked.  
"What about her?"  
"You never said what she was doing tonight. I'm not staying here if she's on her own at home."  
"She's fine…" said the Doctor with a wide smile on his face. "She really is…"

"So when the Doctor said it was an emergency with the cubes, I didn't expect this…" said Kate Stewart as she put her coat down on a bar seat next to Amy.  
"Yeah," smiled Amy awkwardly. "The Doctor lies. Sorry about that."  
"Oh, not at all. I needed a break from work. Looking at those things can give you quite the headache." smiled Kate. "Cubes, there just boxes but 3D. There's something up with them, but we don't know that. Where is the Doctor anyway?"  
"With my husband," informed Amy. "He's giving Rory his belated stag do. They'll be fine." she then dismissed. "Well, I hope so…"  
"The Doctor is always fine," said Kate as she got the attention of a barman. Amy nodded in agreement. "What do you want then? I'm paying…"

Rory was dancing. Badly. He was enjoying it to some extent but with the Doctor right in front of him doing some of the weirdest dance moves he'd ever witnessed, Rory wasn't exactly comfortable. He was getting into the spirit of things at least and the Doctor was smiling because of it.  
"See!" he said loudly against the music. "I said you were going to have fun. Happy stag do by the way!" he then added before swaying wildly to one side and doing air kisses either side of Rory's head.  
"Yeah…stag do!" said Rory unconvincingly as he continued to dance, or what thought was dancing. Rory did like to dance, but only really with Amy. As he carried on, the Doctor disappeared to the bar and up come a young woman to him.  
"I think you two make a really cute couple." she said as she pointed to Rory and the bar-bound Doctor. "It's nice to see people being open. You don't always see it." It took Rory a few moments to realise what had been said.  
"Oh er no…" he said. "We're not a couple. I'm married…to a woman. He's er not…" added Rory as he tried to explain things clearly. However, making things clear without adding the fact that the Doctor was married to his daughter who looked older than him was always a tricky business. Saying that the Doctor wasn't married always made things easier. "He's a friend…" Rory eventually added but the woman looked confused.  
"So you're not a couple?" she said. "Oh god, that's a shame. You suit each other so well, it's clear to anyone looking on." she added before quickly making her way to the other side of the club. Rory just dismissed her and kept moving about to the tune of the music. The Doctor then arrived with some drinks.  
"I charged it your card if you didn't mind." he said. "I took it out of your back jean pocket as we danced. You didn't notice." Rory didn't even bother to respond and quickly took a glug of whatever the Doctor had bought. It tasted very strong.

"Ah!" exclaimed Rory. "What's in that bloody thing? Urgh god, that's horrid."  
"I added a teeny-weeny bit of space beer to the mix," said the Doctor with a wide smile on his face. "A sip can get you drunk inside a few minutes." Rory was already beginning to feel the side-effects of the addition. His head was swirling…

Kate and Amy were also in a dancing mood in another club and were just chatting about things as they jigged along to the music on show. For Amy, it was a chance to get to know Kate better, while for the UNIT lady this was a chance to relax. Kate's phone was ringing constantly, she assumed it was to do with the cubes, but she was ignoring it. She wanted a break from it all.  
"The cubes can wait. Even dad could afford for some fun every now and then." she said to Amy as the pair danced about, attracting the attention of two young men who walked up to them.  
"Who knew angels could have red hair?" said the one with his shirt wide open, revealing a mass of chest hair on show. He had a whiter than white smile too. Amy just smiled at him. "You come here often?" the man then asked.  
"No, said Amy. "First time here. My husband's elsewhere."  
"Yeah, course he is." smirked the man. "If you're married then why isn't he here? Is he cheating on you? What exactly is he doing?"  
"Good question…" said Amy simply. "I really don't know…"

The answer was simple; Rory was being kissed by the Doctor. Again. The addition to the drinks had got the Doctor very drunk very quickly and he was now kissing Rory and kissing him very well. Rory had been kissed by the Doctor before, but that was only a momentary thing, this was a few seconds, possibly more. The Doctor wasn't a bad kisser by any stretch of the imagination, it was just odd for Rory to be kissed by him in such a public place. They were outside the club now but even so people could see what was happening. Eventually, the lip lock ended and Rory was relieved. Out of nowhere the kiss had happened and thankfully it was over now.

"You brush your teeth well…" said the Doctor in a jokey way before dropping his head onto Rory's shoulder like a child on its parent. Rory's head was still swirling about and knew he needed a clear head for work in the morning. The issue was that whatever the Doctor had added to his drink was so strong. Things weren't quite focusing correctly all of the time, but it was a fairly short walk back home, so Rory, with the Doctor slumped on his shoulder, began to make their way home. "I want to go swimming…" the Doctor murmured to Rory. "Let's go swimming, I like swimming. You're good at swimming…I think."  
"We'll see…" said Rory warily as he struggled to keep upright on the walk back. Rory was so out of it that he couldn't even read his watch correctly. Was it 11pm or 1am? He really didn't know.  
"Oh by the way Rory," the Doctor began with a glazed look over his face. "What I added to the drinks has memory properties to it. It means we won't remember all of this when we're sober."  
"So, it's like any other kind of drink then?" asked Rory.  
"I suppose it is!" exclaimed the Doctor as the sight of the Pond household was just in front of them. "I never thought of it like that." Rory just smiled and walked the Doctor through the house and into the garden where the TARDIS was. After what seemed like half an hour of trying to turn the key in the lock correctly, the pair were inside. Rory immediately held onto the handrail but the Doctor now seemed fine. Rory was confused.  
"I thought you were drunk?" said Rory who was now very clearly feeling the effects of the drink additive.  
"I was, I still am." answered the time lord. "There's something in the air of the TARDIS that can clear my head a little in an instant. I think you have to whistle to make it stop, but I won't." he continued. "Anyway, time to go swimming!" said the Doctor as he took off his tweed jacket, shirt and trousers before running out of sight, presumably to the pool. Rory, who began to pick up the Doctor's clothes, really didn't have a clue what was happening.


	3. The (Belated) Stag Do: Part 2

LIFE WITH THE PONDS IS LIKE THIS

THE (BELATED) STAG DO

PART 2

The man and his friend were still bothering Amy and Kate as they partied in the club. The man with the white teeth and open shirt in particular was being a pain and getting right in Amy's face. She'd been putting up with him for some time, but finally she'd had enough.  
"Come on sugar, I'm sure your hubby won't mind…" grinned the man suggestively as he put his hand on Amy's shoulder. Amy didn't like this one iota and reached for her drink and just threw it at him before cursing loudly.  
"Come on Kate, we're going." she said as Kate gulped down her drink and followed. She soon caught up with Amy who was already near the exit door of the club, her long legs meaning strides were much further for her.  
"Men can be idiots Amy." said Kate as she tried to comfort her friend.  
"I know, I just wish they'd listen. Rory's the only one that ever does." huffed Amy as she tried to calm down. "Do you want to have a drink at home?" she then asked. "At least we won't have to deal with idiots like him anymore." Kate agreed and as they walked off, Kate looked at her phone. In all, she had 34 missed calls and 12 messages to look through.  
"Oh," she mumbled. "I'll have a look in the morning."

Somehow Rory had managed to make his way to the TARDIS pool with the Doctor's clothes in his hands. He could hear the Doctor sloshing about in the water loudly; it was as if the time lord wasn't drunk at all. Perhaps having a swim would clear Rory's mind too? He was tempted and as the Doctor saw him, he waved manically to his friend.  
"Ah, you brought my clothes, thanks Rory!" called over the Doctor.  
"What exactly are you swimming in?" Rory then wondered. He hadn't quite seen what the Doctor was wearing when he ran off into the depths of the TARDIS.  
"I think it's my pants," replied the Doctor as he looked at himself. "Yes, it's definitely them. No wonder I feel soggier than normal."  
"You do own swimming trunks don't you?" asked Rory, although he was sure he'd seen the Doctor in some before.  
"Yes, but there somewhere where I've forgotten about them." came the response.  
"Where's that?"  
"Oldham…" answered the time lord dismissively. "I'm never swimming there again!" he added while splashing about like a toddler. "Come on Rory, a swim will help you!" he then called. After some dithering, Rory agreed and put the Doctor's clothes aside before beginning to take off his shirt. As he did it though, Rory began to feel dizzy, he suspected it was another side effect of the additive, and he quickly went to sit down on a seat by the side of the pool.  
"Sorry," he said to the Doctor. "I don't know what's happening. Oh god, that thing in the drink wasn't deadly was it?"  
"Only to people born before 1700 and you weren't." answered the Doctor as he began to swim lengths.  
"I'm over 2,000 years old though." pointed out Rory.  
"Technically you are, yes. But you're not Rory. You're a human male in his thirties. The amount of chest hair confirms it."  
"Why are you looking at my chest hair?" Rory asked nervously as he instinctively tried to cover up, but knew it wasn't worthwhile in front of the Doctor. The time lord had seen Rory naked and vice versa - being without a shirt was nothing compared to that.  
"I wasn't looking," said the Doctor. "I was _observing_." he added as climbed out of pool, water dripping everywhere. "You're a human Rory, a good human. A good human with chest hair."  
"Can we change the topic now?" asked Rory as his dizziness began to fade. He was feeling better now, it was obviously only something temporary. The Doctor agreed to change topics and after grabbing a towel, he made his way back into the TARDIS corridors.  
"I'll be at the console if you need me. The acoustics for music are much better in there." he said before whistling on his way. For Rory, he was again unsure what was happening.

Kate looked in the fridge and saw a half drunk bottle of red wine in there. She picked it out and showed it to Amy.  
"It'll do." said Amy as she took off her high heels and fell onto the sofa. Kate brought over the bottle and just fell onto the sofa in a similar manner to Amy. There was a cube on the table next to them and Kate just eyed it up.  
"They are oddly beautiful aren't they?" she asked to Amy.  
"Hmmm," agreed Amy as she sipped the wine. "The Doctor isn't sure what to make of them."  
"None of us do," admitted Kate. "If the Doctor doesn't know, then what hope do we have?"  
"I wonder how they're getting on anyway?" wondered Amy as she then got out her phone. She rang Rory's number but it went straight to answer phone. "Oh well…" she sighed. "They'll be fine."

By the time Rory had got back to the main console area of the TARDIS, he could hear music blaring out loudly. It had been on for some time and once the centre column was in view, he could see the Doctor and two other people there. Rory immediately thought one of them was Amy. He was still without a shirt and tried to cover up for no reason in particular.  
"Amy!" he said loudly in embarrassment. The Doctor looked to him.  
"Amy's not here Rory." said the Doctor, who was still in just his pants. "I don't know where she is, but this is Enid. She's very nice." he continued in a slurring way, the effects now seemingly returning to him.  
"And who's he?"  
"Siggy…" smiled the Doctor. The other person, a man, waved at Rory. As he came down the stairs, Rory's eyes focused clearly and he could see who the people were.  
"Oh my god…" he said in shock. "No way, that's not who I think it is, is it?"  
"Rory, go on, shake hands. It's only Sigmund Freud." smiled the Doctor with big grin etched on his face. Rory couldn't believe it. Sigmund Freud, THE Sigmund Freud was in front of him and he wasn't dressed properly. Sigmund just smiled and put his hand out to Rory. Rory shook hands, but was still in shock. The lady who he thought was Amy then introduced herself.  
"Enid, Enid Blyton." she said with a smile. Rory was just silent in surprise. Was he dreaming? He sort of hoped so…

It had gone midnight and Amy and Kate had been chatting for ages. Amy had tried repeatedly to ring Rory but his phone wasn't changing from answer phone at all. She was beginning to think that he was home and was asleep.  
"I've not checked the room, have I?" she said to herself. "God, I can be dumb sometimes." She quickly went upstairs and looked in hers and Rory's room, but no-one was in the bed. She checked the spare room, the one that had become the Doctor's but again there was no-one there. Through the window on the spare room she could see the TARDIS in the dark of the night. It had a lovely look about it at this time of night and Amy thought that if the Doctor and Rory were anywhere, it was going to be there. She quickly came downstairs and found that Kate had fallen asleep in the meantime on the sofa. Her phone was bleeping, but it wasn't stirring her, and Amy thought not to wake her up either. "Come on Doctor, Rory." she muttered to herself as she went outdoors. There was a chill in the air but it didn't bother her. Then, Amy listened closely and for the first time she could hear a faint thudding of music coming from inside the time machine. She smiled. "They're here." she said under her breath. She was tempted to knock on the door but didn't. She put her head up against it and could hear the faint rhythm of a familiar song. Curious, Amy tried to open the TARDIS door as quietly as she could. It didn't creak but as soon as the door opened, the music blared out. It was the Macarena, a song that meant everything to her and Rory. It wasn't the song that surprised Amy though, it was what she was seeing in front of her. On the console room glass floor were the Doctor and Rory and two other people doing the Macarena in unison. For whatever reason the Doctor had only some pants on and Rory was missing a shirt, but Amy was just puzzled. No-one had seen her.  
"Ay Macarena!" shouted the Doctor hoarsely as he completed the moves before turning in the direction of Amy. He came to a stop as did Rory.  
"Amy!" he cried before trying to cover himself up.  
"What the hell?" said Amy. "Who are they?" she then asked at the other two people who were still dancing along, but no longer in unison.  
"Sigmund Freud…" said the Doctor nervously.  
"And Enid Blyton." added Rory.  
"Doing the Macarena?" asked Amy who was clearly confused.  
"Yeah, I taught them…" said the Doctor. "You can stop now Siggy, Enid…" the time lord then said to his friends. Sigmund and Enid stopped as requested and fell silent. Amy was silent too. Everyone was silent. The only noise in the TARDIS was the continual tune of the Macarena blaring out. It was awkward to say the least.  
"I'll leave you two to tidy up." said Amy eventually to break the silence.  
"Are you cross?" asked Rory nervously.  
"No, just freaked out…" came his wife's response before she headed back outside the TARDIS. Amy really didn't understand what she'd just seen.

Within an hour, Sigmund and Enid had been returned to their time zones – the Doctor having travelled and picked them up without Rory even knowing; the additive making things seem very odd indeed. It was at this point Rory thought it was best anything else the Doctor had planned for his stag do would now not happen.  
"Spoilsport," said the Doctor. "I'd been working out specially for that cake moment again."  
"I really don't want you stripping for me Doctor, not even when I'm very drunk." said Rory as he put his shirt back on. The Doctor was still in his pants and wanted to keep dancing, but knew to respect Rory's wishes. He looked at the monitor on the TARDIS and just smiled. There was a picture of him and Rory on it, but he couldn't remember it being taken.  
"When did we do this?" the Doctor asked as he span the monitor towards Rory.  
"I really don't know. I can't remember. When were we wearing sombreros?"  
"Why was I naked?" asked the Doctor.  
"Why I am kissing you on the cheek?" Rory then pondered. The pair of them then looked even closer at the picture.  
"_What's Sigmund doing?_" they both asked in unison. The drink additive had really made them forget many things, but they could still remember several events of the night: the nightclub, the Doctor kissing Rory, the swim, the Macarena. Things had happened in between then, but they really didn't know what.  
"It's a bit worrying to think what we could have been up to, isn't it Doctor?" Rory asked. The Doctor just smiled back.  
"If we'd have done something really odd, we'd have remembered." he said. "I'll finish up Rory, you go back to Amy."  
"Are you sure you'll be fine?"  
"Yeah, go on. It's been a night to remember…in parts."  
"I won't forget this stag do." Rory admitted. "However much I try," he then joked before heading to the TARDIS doors. The Doctor smiled and continued to clear up any mess that had been left on the floor. In the reflection of the time column though, he noticed something on his back.  
"What…" he said to himself. "Wow…" he then said as he looked at it once more. On the Doctor's back was a tattoo. It was one of a cube and it had the letter D under it. The Doctor smiled, but he was unsure whether it was a good smile or a nervous one. Then, a memory came flooding back to him. It was one of him and Rory having tattoos on their back. "Well, if that's mine…then…" but before the Doctor could finish what he was saying, Rory's voice was heard. It was loud scream of the Doctor's name. "Oh dear…" mumbled the Doctor. "Ah…"


	4. The Big Baby

LIFE WITH THE PONDS IS LIKE THIS

THE BIG BABY

Amy was hosting a baby shower for one of her travel writer friends. Alison McCarthy was due to have her baby in the coming weeks and had become a good friend of Amy's after collaborating on several articles together. Alison had been round the Pond's house before and knew Amy and Rory well – Rory was working though and wasn't around. For Amy, this meant it was her, Alison, some other friends and the Doctor who were in the house. She wasn't so keen on the last name on that list however.  
"Is that strange man still living with you?" asked Marina, one of the other guests, in reference to the Doctor.  
"Yeah, but he's calmed down, he's mellowed a lot since then." said Amy.  
"Oh, what happened?" inquired Alison as she held her baby bump proudly.  
"He literally climbed up the wall and onto the ceiling." said Marina.  
"In a suit made of Velcro…" added Amy as if the context made it sound more normal. Alison hadn't met the Doctor yet, he'd always been ushered into the TARDIS when she'd popped round, so she was slightly apprehensive about meeting him now. Amy guided everyone into the living room where the baby shower was taking place; there were pink banners everywhere and a lovely assortment of snacks and drinks on show. "Make yourself feel comfortable." said Amy as everyone got to their seats. Just then, the Doctor, in his tweed jacket, came into the room with a tray of more drinks. He also had a baby's dummy in his mouth. Marina gave a funny look to Amy.  
"Mhdhfugofgodfh jofhjsojdo," said the Doctor with the dummy still in his mouth. He then beamed a wide smile.  
"What did he say?" asked Alison to Amy. Amy just shook her head. It was barely minutes into the baby shower but she was already feeling embarrassed. The Doctor then tried to speak again. "Mhdhfugofgodfh jofhjsojdo." he said but no-one was any the wiser. The Doctor then spat out the dummy which hit Marina in the face.  
"Oh god, Marina are you ok?" asked Amy to her friend.  
"It was only a dummy!" said the Doctor. "And look I've brought you more drinks. I thought I was perfectly understandable."  
"You weren't…" retorted Amy as she took the tray from the Doctor. She leaned in close to him. "Please just be normal," she whispered. "Please raggedy man, pretty please."  
"Ok Pond," agreed the Doctor. "Oh," he began in a whisper to Amy. "Does that lady know she's got a really big belly?" he then asked in reference to Alison.  
"She's having a baby!" said Amy sternly but everyone heard her. The Doctor just looked awkwardly at everyone.  
"Congratulations." he eventually said to Alison.  
"Why thank you…" she replied. "Do you have any children yourself Mr er…?"  
"Doctor," filled in the time lord. "Well, if you count Amy and Rory as my children because I do look after them no end."  
"He doesn't by the way!" interjected Amy.  
"Oh I think I do!" smiled the Doctor. "Then if you do count the Ponds as children for me, I'm a very happy dad. The thing is Amy has tried to kiss me before and I've kissed Rory before, so it's a weird father-child relationship when you think about it, isn't it?" he continued in a manner that had made everyone listening lose track of what he was saying. Amy just stood next to him awkwardly before slowly ushering him out of sight.  
"Just be normal!" Amy whispered once more before closing the door on the Doctor.

Amy's baby shower was proving to be a success, even if the Doctor had made things awkward early on. Things had been going well and everyone was enjoying what Amy had laid on for them. However, despite this Amy was wondering what the Doctor was up to. She hadn't heard him for ages now. Where was he? Had he gone to see Rory at the hospital? He had gone for a nap? Had he tried to hide in the fridge again? They were all possibilities but Amy needn't have worried as suddenly the Doctor popped back into the living room…dressed as a baby.  
"I thought I'd get into the spirit of things!" he declared loudly before jumping onto the sofa next to Marina. The bounce the Doctor produced spilled Marina's drink all down her blouse.  
"Amy! I thought you said he'd mellowed!" stropped Marina.  
"He has," said Amy. "This is quite mellow for him really." she added as she looked at the Doctor who was dressed in an adult-size baby nappy with a blue bonnet on top of his hair. He smiled madly at everyone, but no-one smiled back at him.  
"So…how were things then?" the time lord asked. "Come on, it's not like you've never seen a man dressed as a baby before, have you?"  
"I've not…" said Marina. "Why would anyone want to see that? For god's sake Amy, just get rid of him."  
"Doctor…" said Amy in her best soothing voice. "I think it would be best if you left."  
"Left? Oh, it took me ages to find one of these my size!" he said in reference to the bonnet. "I was going to stich my name onto it as well."  
"Why are you called the Doctor anyway?" Alison then asked. "You don't work with Rory, do you?"  
"To be frank Alison, it's a long story. I could have been Humphrey or heaven forbid Derek."  
"My husband is called Derek." cut in Alison. The Doctor paused.  
"Ah, now when I mean Derek. I didn't mean it like that."  
"Well what did you mean?"  
"Doctor…" said Amy once more. "Please."  
"Do you know what, I think I'll go." he said before heading to the door. As he slammed it shut, it caught on the nappy he was wearing and tore it off. Everyone gasped in embarrassment as the Doctor open the door slightly, picked up what was his and went on his way. Amy was just left in shock. Things had been going so well, too well. And then the Doctor was himself…

About an hour later, the baby shower was over and Amy just lounged on the sofa in relief. Despite the Doctor's oddness, it made the day memorable and Alison had quite enjoyed everything. Her presents from everyone had made her day and she'd given a wide smile as she left. Amy was smiling too. Things were never straightforward with the Doctor living with her and Rory and this day just typified it.  
"Oh raggedy man…" she sighed. "You're weird but I'd miss it if you weren't here."  
"Oh, that's good to know!" the Doctor's voice then cried as he popped his head into the living room. He was still dressed in his baby attire, thankfully now with the nappy back on, and it made Amy laugh.  
"Isn't it cold being dressed like that?" she asked.  
"I imagine so." said the Doctor. "I never showed everyone my rattle." he added as he showed Amy a rattle that looked just like the Doctor's sonic screwdriver.  
"That's not sonic is it?"  
"Nah, course not!" laughed the time lord. "Now that would be daft."  
"You do know you're weird, don't you?" Amy then asked despite already knowing the answer.  
"You've never stopped saying as much." he answered simply. "I try my best Pond, I do try to be normal but I just can't. This…face can't do it. I make life memorable though I'll admit."  
"Oh, that can't be denied Doctor!" smiled Amy as she put an arm round the Doctor. The time lord smiled back as he and Amy chatted about life at home and life in space until Rory came back home…


	5. Amy's Birthday

LIFE WITH THE PONDS IS LIKE THIS

AMY'S BIRTHDAY

It was Amy's birthday and Rory was trying to do a lovely surprise for his lovely wife. She was asleep upstairs in the bedroom while he was in the kitchen cooking up a full English breakfast for her; the more sausages the better for Amy was the case. For Rory, it was going to be just a day between him and Amy as the Doctor was off on his travels. He'd gone on the bus of all things instead of the TARDIS and was going as far as Aldershot for no apparent reason. Rory didn't know what was in Aldershot but he didn't imagine a lot. The Doctor could always find something out of nothing though.  
"He'll be fine..." Rory muttered under his breath as he tried to fry the eggs for the breakfast as best he could. The sizzle was very loud and for the hour it was and the noise was making Rory feel a little worse for wear. It was still early and he was only wearing his boxers underneath his cooking apron but it was still very hot out. Every so often he looked to one of the cubes in the kitchen but it did nothing. They hadn't done for months. Then, out of nowhere the doorbell rang. "Oh god..." mumbled Rory as he left the cooking breakfast on the oven. The doorbell rang again, Rory huffed loudly. He could hear Amy stirring from her slumber, things weren't going to plan. The doorbell rang again. "I'm coming!" Rory then shouted before doing the latch and then swinging the door with a level of force he didn't mean to do. Still dressed in basically just an apron, Rory was left surprised to see the Doctor at the front door. He was wearing a bright yellow beanie hat.  
"Beanie hats are cool, Mr Pond..." declared the Doctor as he took out a packet of jammie dodgers from his tweed jacket pocket. "Want one?" he then asked. Rory was puzzled.  
"N...n...no. What are you doing here Doctor? I thought you were travelling." he eventually said.  
"I was." smiled the time lord. "I'm not now."  
"Why not?" asked Rory abruptly.  
"I er...tried to drive the bus. I like buses, they go vroom loudly. Lorries more so." came the quirky reply through a chewing of jammie dodgers as crumbs descended all over the porch. Rory couldn't quite believe this; the one day he thought it would be just him and Amy was going to be anything but now. The Doctor was obviously unaware of the problem he'd caused and just smiled at his good friend. "You know you're just wearing an apron don't you?" the Doctor then eventually said. "It suits you..." he added before walking past Rory and into the house. Rory sighed.  
"Hmmm...I bet it does." he mumbled before closing the door.

"You tried to cook me a birthday breakfast?" asked Amy as she sat on the sofa.  
"Yeah, why not? It's your birthday and you deserve a treat." said Rory.  
"You could have been dressed."  
"I was trying to be a bit Jamie Oliver with it." admitted Rory.  
"What? Annoying?" cut in the Doctor. Amy smirked.  
"No...the...naked chef." Rory eventually said. "Amy liked that title." The Doctor just gave his friend a funny look.  
"Ah, Rory the roman, the one who cooks in barely any clothes. It doesn't have the same ring about it." he said with a smile on his face. The Doctor then looked to a mirror nearby, he was still wearing his beanie hat. "Yep, they're definitely cool." he remarked.  
"So, I take it the breakfast wasn't the only thing you were doing for me?" Amy then asked. "I like a breakfast Rory but a bit more than that would be nice, I'm not in my 50s where a kiss and a cuddle will do it all."  
"It would save it us money though," he joked. Amy looked unimpressed but Rory quickly changed tact. "But...of course there's something else," he said as he looked to the Doctor.  
"Yeah!" chipped in the time lord. "Er...um...this beanie hat, it was just for you."  
"A hat? A bloody hat?" said Amy.  
"No, no, no, no..." said Rory. "Ah, the Doctor, he's joking. I've booked us a meal for tonight. Just us two." Rory then said although it wasn't quite true. He knew the breakfast wouldn't be enough but he thought he could think of something else; a fancy expensive meal wasn't originally on his mind though.  
"Ooh," smiled Amy. "A meal with my Roman...that's more like it." she said as she kissed Rory on the cheek. "I best pick out the perfect dress right now." she added before heading to the bedroom. Rory then immediately went for the phone and as quietly as possible tried to book a table without Amy overhearing him...

Evening came and in the midst of Rory handing over several boxes of chocolates throughout the day to make up for the breakfast, Amy was quite enjoying her birthday. The Doctor had been quite normal too and she was feeling a little bit sorry for her alien friend.  
"Should we let him come with us?" she asked to Rory as she put her earrings on. Rory wasn't so sure.  
"Hmmm," he responded. "If you want him to come then I won't stop you. Just remember what he can be like."  
"Well you can keep him in order, it's my birthday!" said Amy with a smile on her face. Rory reluctantly agreed and soon the three of them were off to the swanky restaurant. It was a very posh looking one and Amy and Rory were in awe of the lush dressings and ornaments that surrounded their table. It was quite a layout, but the Doctor wasn't that impressed.  
"It's not wacky enough for me." he said as he sat down opposite Amy and next to Rory. They just ignored him and waited for the waiter to come with some menus.  
"Ah, here we are madam and sirs." he said as placed the deep red menus on the table.  
"Is there a children's menu at all?" the Doctor asked with a broad smile. "I do love my fish fingers you see." The waiter gave the Doctor a look, a look that was mirrored by both of the Ponds.  
"No sir, we do not." came the waiter's eventual response.  
"A shame..." sighed the Doctor. "I'll just have the most expensive thing on the menu then."  
"Very well sir."  
"You do know that I'm paying don't you?" whispered Rory to the Doctor. The time lord nodded. "Well don't pick really expensive things, this place costs a bomb."  
"Ok Mr Pond." agreed the Doctor. "Mr Waiter, I'll have the second most expensive thing on the menu instead." he continued. "That's better isn't it?" he asked to Rory. Rory didn't reply and just gritted his teeth as he didn't want to upset Amy on her birthday.  
"It's fine." he said after a long wait with a distinct lack of conviction in his voice. "No, it's fine..."

The meal had been going great despite the earlier pricing issues, Amy and Rory were having a lovely time and the Doctor was being quite normal for his standards too. He'd occasionally been looking over at the some of the staff with a funny glare but it wasn't so strange that it was annoying either of the Ponds. However, as the night went on, the time lord looked over to the staff more and more.  
"Is everything ok Doctor?" Amy asked as she sipped some wine.  
"Something doesn't feel right." he said.  
"That could be the oysters coming back at you," joked Rory. "You're not meant to eat the shell."  
"It's not that, it's the maitre d. There's something strange about him."  
"I doubt it." said Amy. "He gave me a funny look too, some people are just like that. Move on Doctor, have a drink, have something, just not anything to do with him."  
"Hmmm..." sounded the time lord as he got his sonic screwdriver out of his tweed jacket pocket. He made it scan quietly and soon it wasn't long before he jumped out of his chair. "Ah ha!" he declared.  
"Doctor." said Rory. "Sit down!"  
"Raggedy man." Amy then said but the Doctor wasn't listening and headed away from the Pond's table and towards the staff kitchen. His sonic was sounding loudly and Amy and Rory tried to keep up with him in a way that wasn't causing a commotion, but that wasn't possible.  
"Sorry!" said Rory to one diner.  
"Excuse me, my friend's over there." said Amy to another. "Doctor! Come back! You're making a scene." He didn't respond at all and soon the Doctor pushed his way past two waiters into the kitchen.  
"Oi!" said one of the chefs. "Who are you?"  
"I'm the Doctor and I don't appreciate alien life-forms working in Earth kitchens trying to kill off innocent people." answered the Doctor proudly.  
"What?!" said the chef. "What are you talking about?"  
"Oh you know...you really know." smiled the time lord. Just then, Amy and Rory burst into the kitchen.  
"Doctor!" called out Amy. "What are you playing at?"  
"Helping save people from inevitable doom. The funny looks, the oyster shells that were tasty but crunchy, something's not right here and I'm trying to show what it is."  
"Have you been drinking or something mate?" the chef asked. He looked to Amy and Rory as if to ask them too.  
"He's only been having lemonade, we daren't give him alcohol, not in public anyway" answered Rory.  
"Doctor," Amy then tried once more, this time directly at his side. "Just stop please, don't spoil my birthday."  
"Birthday, birthday, your birthday. Amelia's birthday of course." he muttered. "It all makes sense."  
"It really doesn't, Doctor." said Rory.  
"It does Mr Pond, they've been planning something and if my sonic detects rightly, it's in that fridge over there." he said as he rushed right over. Rory followed nervously.  
"Doctor..." he called. "Just leave that fridge alone."  
"Why? It's just a fridge." said Amy.  
"There's a good reason." answered Rory but it was too late as the Doctor opened the fridge loudly and picked up a long cake on a try. It looked gorgeous.  
"This, this is the beacon for your plan, I can tell." announced the Doctor grandly.  
"Doctor!" called out Rory. "It's not."  
"Mate, you better put that down." the chef then said.  
"That's what you'd like me to do, but I won't."  
"Doctor," tried Amy once more but he simply wasn't listening. She approached him and made Rory do the same. They were trying to act like parents towards him now, even if it wasn't the usual kind of situation. The problem was that the Doctor wasn't listening.  
"This cake holds all of their powers," he said loudly. "Therefore it has to be stopped!" he added before smashing the cake into the floor. Cream and icing went everywhere and splatted both Amy and Rory all over.  
"You idiot!" called out the chef.  
"Doctor..." said Rory after wiping some cream from around his face. "That was Amy's cake...the birthday cake I'd ordered as a surprise for her."  
"Oh..." came the Doctor's response. "I was sure it was an alien hub portal device."  
"It was just a cake..." said Rory before comforting Amy. "Sorry about the cake, the cream tastes nice though."  
"It does." agreed Amy. The Doctor, being a little bit curious, put a finger on Amy's face and swiped a bit of cream off her. He licked it almost instantly.  
"I don't like it..." he said. "It's too sweet." Amy and Rory sighed.

Later that evening, once the Ponds and the Doctor were back home and clean, the time lord tried to apologise again.  
"Something didn't feel right I swear." he said.  
"He had a headache, that was it Doctor. That's all the maitre d had. He was just annoyed by everyone," said Amy. "He wasn't an alien, not this time anyway."  
"I was positive though, I'm never really wrong." he replied.  
"What about when you've taken me and Rory to the wrong places on the TARDIS before?" asked Amy.  
"Well that's different..." he huffed. Amy grinned and just looked to Rory, he was smiling too.  
"Well it's certainly a memorable birthday for you Amy, that's for sure..." he said with a little toothy grin now on his face. "You're not likely to forget that one."  
"No," agreed Amy. "Let's just hope there's a bit more cake to eat at the next one though, whether there are aliens involved or not!" Deep down the Doctor agreed but wasn't willing to admit in person. The whole cake incident made him feel very embarrassed on the inside...


End file.
